Recently, Mark and I spoke at a local church in downtown Cape Town on the topic of biblical marriage.  One of the points of our teaching was the biblical model of headship and submission described in the fifth chapter of Ephesians and how it was to be understood within the context of the key verse of the passage which is Ephesians 5:21. We are all familiar with the verses that tell wives to submit to their husbands (5:22 – 24) and which tell husbands that they are to love their wives (5:25 – 29).  However, if Ephesians 5:21 is the key verse that instructs all believers to “submit yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ”, then the instructions to husbands and wives that follow must somehow demonstrate this principle of reciprocal submission.  In other words, it is impossible for Christians to “obey” one another.  However, it absolutely possible for two people to “submit” to one another if that means to “bend in preference” to one another and “put the other person’s needs first” (see also Philippians 2:1 – 7).

At the end of our session, one of the husbands stood and asked both of us to give one practical example of how we “submitted” to each other in our daily lives.  The question made us stop and think because we had never really thought about how this was being played out on a daily basis. Since that time, I have been thinking more about this question and asking myself if Mark and I were actually doing what we were teaching others to do. And if so, what does “mutual submission” look like. Last week I went into the hospital for a hip replacement surgery which gave me an opportunity to see how this principle really was working out in our marriage.

It’s now been a week since my hip replacement surgery and I was shocked to discover how little I was able to do for myself. However, I am improving and getting stronger every day, thanks to an amazing husband who has dropped everything and literally made taking care of me his highest priority and has given his unselfish attention to my every need (which is just about EVERYTHING at the moment!).  It’s at times like these, when the veil of our fallen humanity lifts and the beauty of a biblical marriage comes into view.  Over the years (now in our 44^th year), Mark and I have purposed to build our marriage on a foundation of “mutual submission” (Ephesians 5:21), which is really just another way of saying that we are striving to “agape love” one-another every day of our lives [agape: Greek for God’s kind of unconditional love; expressed through action and not based on feelings or emotions; always putting the other person first and doing what is in their best interest]. Paul makes an even stronger case for “mutual service” within the body of Christ in Galatians 5:13 where he instructs believers (including husbands and wives) that they are to “through love [agape] serve one another” [douleuō: Greek word translated “serve” actually means to be a “slave” to one another.]

In spite of our natural inclination to be very self-centered and our frequent failures to be consistently “other-oriented”, it was during this time of recuperation from surgery that I was able to see a little glimpse into how far we have come in our journey toward “becoming one” (5:31) and patterning our relationship after Christ and His Church (5:32).   I thank the Lord for a husband who takes his role as husband so seriously, that he is willing to die to himself on my behalf as Christ died for His Church, and do whatever it takes to put me first and serve me with a loving smile that tells me he is doing all this because he loves me.  The final verse of this passage (5:33) summarizes the entire passage in such a way that leaves no doubt as to how it was meant to be interpreted—“Nevertheless, let everyone of you [husbands] so love [agape] his wife as he loves himself—and the wife see that she reverence [or, respect: which is substituted for the word “submit”] her husband.”  The respect I have for Mark is not a result of being told I have to “obey” him, but because he has demonstrated a selfless love that makes him my “Mark Angel.”